Just Eat It

November 21st, 2014 by Toby T

I watch the squirrels in my backyard run around and dig up food that they buried a while ago and happily munch on it. Then I think about how many people agonize over whether or not they can invoke “the five second rule” when they accidentally drop a piece of bread on the kitchen floor.

They agonize over how long it’s been since they did a thorough mopping of the floor. They gauge how dry the bread is. They wonder if anybody has sneezed in the house in the last week.

God says we’re wimps. She says that affectionately, but that doesn’t lessen the truth of it. She does admit that it’s not entirely our fault and when I pressed her on the issue she also said it kind of works to her advantage. She says a lot of the prayers she gets credit for answering are really just cases of hypochondria. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, I suppose it’s neither.

If you enjoy reading unscriptured, remember to tell your friends!

One Step Back

November 14th, 2014 by Toby T

I’ve had some time now to get over the initial pain of the 2014 midterm United States elections. I’ve mourned the passing of the control of the U. S. Senate from the centrist party to the right wing party. I’ve put up with God telling me that this too shall pass.

I know that the bend of history is ever towards progressive ends. It’s almost tautological, as humanity progresses we, well, progress.

But why does it have to be in fits and starts? Why did California have to get Same Sex Marriage and then lose it and then get it back. Why do we have to put up with the Affordable Care Act before the inevitable transition to a single payer system? Why, well why so many things?

God tells me that if he knew the answer to that, he wouldn’t have needed to make the universe in the first place.


November 7th, 2014 by Toby T

One of the pleasures of living alone (God may come here every day, but he hasn’t become a roommate yet), is that there are things that I can defer. If I come home from a trip and don’t feel like unpacking for a few days, no problem, the luggage will site undisturbed at the side of the room. If I don’t want to sort out the mail for a few days, it may be unsightly while it piles up, but, hey, I can just as easily look in another direction as in its direction.

It’s a freedom you don’t get with roommates, or spouses, or kids. You may leave these things undone, or they might, but the things I can ignore and the things they can ignore usually don’t perfectly overlap. It’s a source of friction in many relationships.

I’d like to tell all of you that I feel your pain, but I think I just finished saying that I don’t, so you probably wouldn’t believe me. And you’d be right.

But what I really want to know is how it can be time for me to pack again, when the luggage from last time still hasn’t finished getting unpacked?

He Wears a Funny Hat

October 31st, 2014 by Toby T

It’s Halloween. Earlier this week Pope Francis took time to remind his flock of more than a billion Catholics that Evolution and the Big Bang are not only good science but completely compatible with creation of mankind and the universe by God.

I had to ask God if this was a Trick or a Treat.

She was insulted. She said it was neither. She said it took a lot of time and work on her part to get the Catholic Cardinals to elect a Pope that wasn’t insane and she didn’t like me devaluing her effort.

I apologized and thanked her.

Actually, I thank her pretty much every time Pope Francis comes up in the news.

Up, Up, and Away

October 24th, 2014 by Toby T

The “South” has been dragging down the United States, politically speaking, for a very long time. It really all goes back to slavery and anybody that tries to tell you different is lying to you or lying both to themselves and you. I’ve seen a lot of the arguments and some of them are pretty good at the misdirection but ultimately they all resolve back to that root.

The modern version, if you can call something that’s been going on for more than a century and a half modern, is summed up in the slogan, “the South shall rise again.”

I hadn’t thought about that phrase too much, but it came up while God and I were talking politics this week. “The South shall rise again.” God asked me if I knew how they planned to do that. I gave it some thought, but I couldn’t come up with anything that resembled a coherent strategy. Then God told me that as near as he could see they planned to take the “rise” part of it literally, and their current strategy revolved around getting lifted up as part of “The Rapture.”

He also said they probably shouldn’t get their hopes up too high.

Spider in My Room

October 17th, 2014 by Toby T

God has his own way of decorating my house for halloween. He gets spiders to move in and set up their webs. They don’t really wander around much, seeming to be the ultimate homebodies, content to stay in the same few inches of space day in and day out.

God asked me if they bothered me.

I decided that the spiders don’t bother me nearly as much as the notion that they’re getting enough to eat.

A Blog of Your Peers

October 10th, 2014 by Toby T

Sometimes it helps to have friends in high places. I’m pretty sure God got me out of being put on a jury this week.

Normally I wouldn’t consider that a good thing. I’d actually like to sit on a jury. I think I could make good judgements, and I have a keen eye for detail. Also, I’d like to see the process from the inside out. This week, however, I had better things to do. I had a trip planned that would be cut short by having to be in court, so God pulled a few strings, not that she’ll admit it.

They asked me if I had a blog. They hadn’t asked this of any of the previous twenty-something prospective jurors. They prefaced the question by noting that I work with computers, but really, the connection between working with computers and blogging is pretty tenuous.

And I didn’t even mention talking to God.